By Kim Tae-yeon
Many women fantasize that married life will be a chain of perfect moments with their lover. But due to this rosy fantasy about marriage, many tend to neglect the importance of reality and get shocked when real married life strikes them.
Professor Cheon Hye-jung (Human Ecology) says that many students think that marriage will be a new chapter of their lives, but they should know that it is not a whole new life that they will be starting. It is just a continuation of their life and a little change in their routine.
“Many women decide on their spouse based on detailed criteria, but I don’t think one man differs much from another since all men have flaws and all women will be disappointed with some characteristic of their husbands at certain times,” says Professor Cheon. Therefore, it is more important to find someone who matches well with you than someone who is flawless. Professor Cheon suggests dating for over a year to experience various situations and discover the real inner self of your date.
“To find someone who matches well with you, you must first have a true understanding of yourself. You need to know how you behave toward the same sex, and the opposite sex as many women tend to act differently,” says Professor Cheon.
Professor Cheon gave five tips for choosing the right man.
l One, don’t date men who enforce fixed ideas of femininity and masculinity.
l Two, don’t date men who cannot control their feelings.
l Three, don’t date men who do not treat outsiders, such as waiters, clerks, or other people not closely related to the couple, nicely.
l Four, date men who are open minded about society, love, and philosophy.
l Five, date men who you feel comfortable with, as companionship is important.
Professor Cheon also pointed out three conditions to maintain a happy, healthy marriage life for women.
l First, women should not depend on men. A woman should be able to live her life alone first. Only then can she understand the independent life of her husband and protect her own privacy in marriage.
l Second, women should be financially independent and stable. If not, they will have to depend on their husbands and this leads to being owed and unable to make independent decisions.
l Third, both men and women need to be physically, emotionally, and psychologically mature enough to be married. If not, they both will face difficulties in married life.
Professor Cheon believes that a man’s personality and characteristics are also important to maintain a happy relationship. However, to her, the most important factor in a relationship is that the two lovers each keep some personal space. Just like in Diagram A, the two lovers should have an overlapping area of life where they share their experiences and emotions. At the same time, they should each have a private life and maintain their own self-respect and pride.
A healthy self is the key to a healthy relationship.