Erich Seligmann Fromm, an eminent psychoanalyst, and philosopher, once said, “Mother’s love is peace. It need not be acquired; it need not be deserved.” It readily assumes that all mothers are supposed to give their children unconditional love. Fromm was known for his book, “The Art of Love,” claiming that most human relationships require sophisticated abilities such as respecting other person’s growths and desires based on knowledge of one. What he missed here might be the fact that a relationship between a mom and son also demands comprehension of each other. Most notably, a mother’s love is not something haven-sent, but what all mothers take time to learn how.
The movie, “We Need to Talk About Kevin,” articulates how those social misconceptions throttle moms. Eva, who conceived Kevin without plans, suffers from postpartum depression, and finds it difficult to have affection for Kevin. Furthermore, Kevin never was a child easy to raise, pretending like he is a decent son to his dad when he treated Eva with malevolent and defiant manners. Indeed, Eva shares the responsibility for the flawed relationship with her son since she neglected the problems her son expressed through atrocious acts, and frequently told Kevin how childbirth and rearing ruined her life and career.
Emotional conflicts between the two seemed impossible to be resolved when watching the repeated series of scenes showing Eva witnessing Kevin’s rebellious and threatening acts, then being horrified, but ending up leaving Kevin’s problems behind. While their relationship has reached a deadlock, Kevin’s anger toward and lust for his mom grow spirally. Their stalemate was eventually resolved only after Kevin commit misdeeds which made him left alone in Eva’s world.
The director of the movie, Lynne Ramsay, describes what happened to Eva and Kevin from Eva’s perspective, so the audience could relate to Eva’s fear, alienation, depression, and guilt that she felt toward her son. Those emotions Eva sensed were depicted through the red- colored apparatuses, such as a pile of red soup cans which presented Eva’s chaotic mind. The point of view of this film also makes it impossible for audiences to know how Kevin felt and why he committed a vicious crime. It was intended to prevent the audience from readily concluding that the cause of Kevin’s crime is either Eva’s nurturing or psychopathic disposition of Kevin.
Due to this ambiguity, most critics consider the core of this film to be the nature v. nurture debate, in which whether human personality traits and behavior are influenced by the environment or not. However, what matters is not the unsolved question of psychology, but why Eva could not have affection for her son, and why did Kevin only use drastic measures to gain the attention of his mother.
If an audience was sensitive enough, one would figure out that Eva consistently feels helpless and guilty when she finds herself not having “maternal love,” which society manufactured and insists that all moms must have. The mythology of unconditional and endless maternal love is fatal as it frustrates mothers who have a hard time constructing special affection with their children. Likewise, Eva was unable to reflect on her psychological state, and she was rather forced to conceal her uncomfortable feelings about her son by being indifferent to her son. Like all the other kids, Kevin could easily sense his mother’s emotions and became eager to earn the attention of Eva. The tragedy might have stemmed from society and backfired on society.
Only through recognizing that maternal love is not something to be taken for granted, mothers could take their time to form relationships with their children. Accepting that loving own child requires the exact same abilities asked for in building social relationships would shine the way to understand the child.
Thus at this point, we need to talk about Eva and stereotypes about maternal love.