It is hard to answer. Then, how about this question, ‘who do you think you are’? Please don’t answer like “My name is ~” or “I am living in ~”. Answer the question that I asked in the way who you’re as you think yourself. Though people are asked to answer in that way, most people, if not all, are prone to answer in a way like “friends of mine have said I am kinds of~”. Like this, it is hard to answer in a way that who I think I am, not others think.
I have met so many people who are obsessed to be recognized. There are people who want to be recognized as pretty or handsome, but not limited to appearance, there are also people who want to be recognized by their personality and property. Someone who wants to be recognized as cool, someone as kind and so on. It is so various that I feel hard to list. Among those, my toughest experience is spending time with someone who is obsessed to be recognized as good-natured. She wanted to be appreciated by others as ‘kind girl’ or ‘good-hearted’, so she does what others have to do without asking and says, “I just wanted to help you”. It was just making others as people who don't do what they are supposed to do. Like this, she was making herself devoted to caring others, but didn’t realize that she was making herself good by making others bad. It is just one of the examples of people who are obsessed with others’ judgment.
I’m not claiming that I am entitled to blame on those people. Rather, I was one of them. Frankly speaking, I used to be obsessed to be recognized as woman who is working well, so I have made efforts to be recognized by others as I wanted. At that time, I was aware of the fact that I am caring others’ recognition too much, but not aware that it is a problem. I didn’t know that it is not finding myself but losing who really I am. However, by learning philosophy, I got to know it is a problem that I have to deal with, and I realized that it should not be set aside.
It is absolutely a serious problem in life. Here are some reasons to let people know it is problem who think it is human nature to be eager for others' recognition so that we don’t have to try to solve it. First, it means making myself not in the standard of me but of others. Living life in standard of others sounds like a tragic life and actually it is. Someone who quits so called elite job and does what one wants to do is happier than any other. Second, who others think I am is not me, but it is about one who doesn’t exist. Actually, it means losing myself to be remembered as ‘me’ who doesn’t exist. Lastly, It is nothing important to be recognized. For example, when you heard you’re so sweet (actually you’re not), you could feel great at that time. But you know you’re not sweet or something. it is nothing more than process of making yourself and that doesn’t make you happy ultimately. Chances are that there is someone who believes she is what others think. However, people who only care about that are not happy and lose themselves.
Not striving to get appreciated, making oneself by others’ eyes and trying to be recognized as what I expect to be and so on. This will be hard to do, even seems impossible. But we must try to do, because if we don’t, we will lose who I am. As a result, we end up being obsessed with others judgement. Again, if we don’t even try to find myself, we will be stuck in others’ eyes which means so called ‘self-conscious’.
Let’s find out who I am, and further on what is being, not by others but by ourselves.