Letter that cannot be addressed
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Letter that cannot be addressed
  • Yoon Chae-won
  • 승인 2022.05.09 00:33
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In the past, people often sought their long-lost loved ones by placing “missing person” or “lost family” advertisements in newspapers.

 

Like those longing ads, I would like to write an advertisement today in our dear advertisement-free newspaper. Or to be more precise, I would like to post a letter that cannot be addressed, hoping that the letter in which I cannot write the recipient’s address will be read by many and eventually reach its final destination.

 

Dear You whom I love, whom I will only ever “love”:

 

As time goes by, I find there are more months and seasons I miss. If there is only so much for one to miss, does it mean one has lost so much that you missed them? Or do you miss them because you earned so much that the things you once had have been blurred by new gains?

 

Although it has been days since I decided to write to you, sitting here at the desk feels like the hardest thing in the world, and my fingers will not move. I fear that if I think of you, smell you, and hear you too much while writing I will instantly melt into tears from missing you so much.

 

Yes, perhaps I have been avoiding everything about you since you left. Oddly, I was doing way better than I thought for a few months after realizing I would never see you again. Well, to be honest, for the first month or two, I was alright, then suddenly, I burst into tears a few times, but mostly I would carry on without you coming into my mind. However, I now know this was just a defense mechanism to protect myself from terrible pain of missing you.

 

If I ever came across a picture of you while going through a photo album I would instantly start to think of something else. Seeing your fellow fluffy friends on Instagram instantly made me think and yearn for you, so I would immediately log out of the platform.

 

Although I have always tried to suppress my sadness and longing for you, I have never once let go of you in my heart, and you continue to float around in the space around me without me consciously thinking about you.

 

It has been just over a year since you left me to go on a trip beyond the rainbow bridge. What have you been up to? Often when I think of you and talk to my friend about you, he speaks of how you would be wagging your short brown tail and enjoying your little adventure on the other side of that rainbow bridge. Listening to him, I wondered if you had forgotten about me already while you are having so much fun out there. Believe it or not, I think I would be fine with that. As long as you are just happy, healthy, and doing whatever you want to do.

 

Yet, if you still do remember me, I hope the memories of our time together for 12 years are happy ones. Forgive me for being much more immature than you are. As cliché as it may sound, it really breaks my heart to think how I couldn’t have been the greatest life partner for you while you were the best I’ve ever had. If we ever meet again, will you give me a big hug? I miss your smelly smell, the tenderness of your small brown paws, and even the scratches you would make on my legs to express your happiness when I came home.

 

Still, can you just appear once in my dreams? I’ll miss you terribly when the dream is over, but for that moment, I will feel as if I am in a paradise. Although your absence will be always felt, it won’t be the end of the world. I hereby promise you that I will live my life to the fullest because I ought to show you how cool your big sister is when I meet you later.

 

One day I will return to the beach where I said goodbye to you. And if you are back, will you come out to the beach as well? Just watch me and hug me from afar. I guess that’s all I want. I just want to touch you and hug you one more time if time allows it. Parting is such sweet sorrow. I shall not say goodnight until tomorrow, Naroo. Love you forever and always.


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